[Sola's face goes a little sour at that and he shifts around, still leaning into Johnny's side but this time mostly with his back so he can pick at a nearby pillow sullenly.]
I don't tell you that stuff because if I do you won't let me protect you. I mean, Barry's scary but you don't really stand up to him, not the same way you do to other people, like you did to Ghirahim. I just want him to go away but he won't so I thought doing something else would work but then Bon said he needed more information about him to even do an exorcism and I didn't want him to get hurt if he got discovered lurking around or anything. I'd do it, but I don't know what to look for.
[Ah... that was way more than he'd intended to say and he cringes prematurely at the scolding he knows is coming.
[Johnny was still a moment, processing what he'd just heard. Was he mad? No, more disappointed than mad and more scared than disappointed.
He pulled away a bit though, not for any real reason other than he was thinking.]
I'm not mad...I just wish I knew how I could tell you I don't want you to keep prying into that in such a way that you'll get it. As far as I'm aware, it takes a certain kind of exorcism and I can't tell you about it.
[Not directly, anyway.]
I don't stand up to Barry because I will always fail. He owns me and the best thing I can do is protect the people he wants to hurt because of me, and not waste my time or my energy fighting back. The easiest option would be to give him what he wants, but I'm not willing to do that either.
[So he was at a stand still. And here was Sola trying to dabble in something that had cost Chris his arm and almost Johnny's life.]
Please...it scares me to think you could be hurt by this thing because of me and it hurts to think it would happen because you were undermining what I was doing to protect you.
[He thumps his fist down on the pillow he'd been picking at.]
I don't want him to own you. I know what that's like! Not to have any freedom to do what you want because your Master says so. It's stupid and it's not fair and he creeps me out! He says he loves you but he hurts you and that's wrong. You don't hurt people you love, you take care of them!
[He punches the pillow again, imagining it to be Barry's stupid pretty face.]
I don't want to scare you either, but how are you supposed to ever be happy if he's here? You're always going to be afraid if no one does anything!
[He throws the pillow from the bed like a vanquished enemy, watching it bounce pathetically against a chair and rock to stillness on the carpet.]
I won't let him get you. I can't. I'm supposed to protect you.
[He really believes that. Somehow, someway, he'll keep Barry off of Johnny once and for all. His voice drops to a murmur.]
You don't have to protect me. Plus, you're much more than good already, you care about me and that's enough.
[He knows what he's going to say next because it ran through his head and this curse seemed to be shoving everything like that out into the open. His attempt to stop it only results in a moment of silence as he fights to keep his mouth shut but to no avail.]
No one can protect me, that's something I accepted long ago and I wish you would too.
[He pulls Sola against him again, just wanting to hold him and protect him from this whole conversation.]
I'll be plenty happy as long as you and everyone else are safe and, for right now, you are. I won't be happy if something happens to you, whether Barry's here or not.
[He wants to grab Johnny by the shoulders and shake him into understanding but the vampire gathers him up before he has the chance. He doesn't fight it, never wanting to leave Johnny's arms, but he can't stop talking. He has to get this out, the curse demands it.]
You have to let me try, you shouldn't accept that kind of thing, not ever! You have to fight and if you can't fight you have to let me fight it for you because I love you! Because I don't want anything to happen to me either so I won't fail. I can't. I want to make it so we don't have to worry, so you don't have to worry ever again but the only thing really stopping me is you!
[He wraps his arms around Johnny tightly, clinging as if the other man will somehow disappear.]
[He was silent again and he pressed his lips to the top of Sola's head as he held him.
He didn't know what to think or feel, but he could feel what Sola was feeling and it hurt. If he thought about it in the reverse, how frustrated would he be if Sola was hurting from someone's presence but wanted Johnny to swear not to do anything about it?
...the truth was he probably wouldn't listen either.
The faces of all of the people Barry had 'removed' from Johnny's life were flashing through his mind. Some of them had hurt more than others, but they were the reminders of why he shouldn't get close to people and the price payed if he did.
An unreasonable part of his mind wanted to remind him that Barry had been defeated, he'd seen it happen. He tried to remind that part of the memory of Chris losing his arm, but then another part decided he needed to be reminded that that only happened because he was left up on that balcony while Chris fought the incubus alone.
All of them had died or been injured because Johnny hadn't been there to help.
His larger hand took hold of Sola's smaller one and he buried his face in the hylian's shoulder. He could feel his heart racing with the words that were clambering to the surface.]
...Promise me you won't fight unless I'm there...and I'll fight with you.
[He's surprised, to say the least. Johnny had fought tooth and nail to simply run away to leave it alone every time Sola had ever brought of Barry to the point where Sola had given up hope of ever reaching any sort of understanding on the subject. He thought he'd have to do something alone, under Johnny's nose regardless of the vampire telling him to stay out of it. He couldn't, not with Barry hanging over their heads like a storm cloud, blocking out the proverbial sun. Sola'd stopped bringing it up at all though, tired of being told no, of the pained, hurt and worried expressions it brought about on Johnny's face. If he hadn't been for the curse he wouldn't have this morning either. And now...
He's glad he did.
Sola holds Johnny tightly, not the clinging hold it had been moments ago, out of fear of loss, but the protective hold of someone determined to keep the person they care for safe no matter the cost.]
I won't. We'll get rid of him together. Then you'll be safe.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Hello, you've reached the phone of Johnny Rayflo, please leave a message and I'll return your call.
[Action]
I don't tell you that stuff because if I do you won't let me protect you. I mean, Barry's scary but you don't really stand up to him, not the same way you do to other people, like you did to Ghirahim. I just want him to go away but he won't so I thought doing something else would work but then Bon said he needed more information about him to even do an exorcism and I didn't want him to get hurt if he got discovered lurking around or anything. I'd do it, but I don't know what to look for.
[Ah... that was way more than he'd intended to say and he cringes prematurely at the scolding he knows is coming.
Damnit, and the morning had started so nicely.]
Please don't be mad?
[Action]
He pulled away a bit though, not for any real reason other than he was thinking.]
I'm not mad...I just wish I knew how I could tell you I don't want you to keep prying into that in such a way that you'll get it. As far as I'm aware, it takes a certain kind of exorcism and I can't tell you about it.
[Not directly, anyway.]
I don't stand up to Barry because I will always fail. He owns me and the best thing I can do is protect the people he wants to hurt because of me, and not waste my time or my energy fighting back. The easiest option would be to give him what he wants, but I'm not willing to do that either.
[So he was at a stand still. And here was Sola trying to dabble in something that had cost Chris his arm and almost Johnny's life.]
Please...it scares me to think you could be hurt by this thing because of me and it hurts to think it would happen because you were undermining what I was doing to protect you.
Just leave it alone.
[Action]
[He thumps his fist down on the pillow he'd been picking at.]
I don't want him to own you. I know what that's like! Not to have any freedom to do what you want because your Master says so. It's stupid and it's not fair and he creeps me out! He says he loves you but he hurts you and that's wrong. You don't hurt people you love, you take care of them!
[He punches the pillow again, imagining it to be Barry's stupid pretty face.]
I don't want to scare you either, but how are you supposed to ever be happy if he's here? You're always going to be afraid if no one does anything!
[He throws the pillow from the bed like a vanquished enemy, watching it bounce pathetically against a chair and rock to stillness on the carpet.]
I won't let him get you. I can't. I'm supposed to protect you.
[He really believes that. Somehow, someway, he'll keep Barry off of Johnny once and for all. His voice drops to a murmur.]
I'm no good if I can't protect you.
[Action]
[He knows what he's going to say next because it ran through his head and this curse seemed to be shoving everything like that out into the open. His attempt to stop it only results in a moment of silence as he fights to keep his mouth shut but to no avail.]
No one can protect me, that's something I accepted long ago and I wish you would too.
[He pulls Sola against him again, just wanting to hold him and protect him from this whole conversation.]
I'll be plenty happy as long as you and everyone else are safe and, for right now, you are. I won't be happy if something happens to you, whether Barry's here or not.
[Action]
[He wants to grab Johnny by the shoulders and shake him into understanding but the vampire gathers him up before he has the chance. He doesn't fight it, never wanting to leave Johnny's arms, but he can't stop talking. He has to get this out, the curse demands it.]
You have to let me try, you shouldn't accept that kind of thing, not ever! You have to fight and if you can't fight you have to let me fight it for you because I love you! Because I don't want anything to happen to me either so I won't fail. I can't. I want to make it so we don't have to worry, so you don't have to worry ever again but the only thing really stopping me is you!
[He wraps his arms around Johnny tightly, clinging as if the other man will somehow disappear.]
[Action]
He didn't know what to think or feel, but he could feel what Sola was feeling and it hurt. If he thought about it in the reverse, how frustrated would he be if Sola was hurting from someone's presence but wanted Johnny to swear not to do anything about it?
...the truth was he probably wouldn't listen either.
The faces of all of the people Barry had 'removed' from Johnny's life were flashing through his mind. Some of them had hurt more than others, but they were the reminders of why he shouldn't get close to people and the price payed if he did.
An unreasonable part of his mind wanted to remind him that Barry had been defeated, he'd seen it happen. He tried to remind that part of the memory of Chris losing his arm, but then another part decided he needed to be reminded that that only happened because he was left up on that balcony while Chris fought the incubus alone.
All of them had died or been injured because Johnny hadn't been there to help.
His larger hand took hold of Sola's smaller one and he buried his face in the hylian's shoulder. He could feel his heart racing with the words that were clambering to the surface.]
...Promise me you won't fight unless I'm there...and I'll fight with you.
[Action]
[He's surprised, to say the least. Johnny had fought tooth and nail to simply run away to leave it alone every time Sola had ever brought of Barry to the point where Sola had given up hope of ever reaching any sort of understanding on the subject. He thought he'd have to do something alone, under Johnny's nose regardless of the vampire telling him to stay out of it. He couldn't, not with Barry hanging over their heads like a storm cloud, blocking out the proverbial sun. Sola'd stopped bringing it up at all though, tired of being told no, of the pained, hurt and worried expressions it brought about on Johnny's face. If he hadn't been for the curse he wouldn't have this morning either. And now...
He's glad he did.
Sola holds Johnny tightly, not the clinging hold it had been moments ago, out of fear of loss, but the protective hold of someone determined to keep the person they care for safe no matter the cost.]
I won't. We'll get rid of him together. Then you'll be safe.