Johnny Rayflo (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
not_heavens_adam) wrote2012-09-18 11:40 am
not_heavens_adam) wrote2012-09-18 11:40 am
On Jacob | Vatheon CR
Before I can talk about Jacob and Johnny’s feelings on him, I need to cover a bit on Johnny himself through canon first.
Johnny is a Frenchman from the Crusades era, at the time of the manga, this would put him, roughly, at 700 years old. In this time, he’s adapted and blended in with the changing world around him so that he could survive. He became a vampire because he made a deal with a demon so that he could save the princess he served from dying; a very big deal for a man who was extremely religious.
As time has gone on, due to society, the demon’s influence, and all the things Johnny has done including turning his princess and watching her succumb to insanity because of it, and killing people just to continue his own existence, he has convinced himself that he is a monster unfit to live, and yet, he can’t kill himself, because he is still extremely religious. He’s already damned, why screw himself over more?
However, despite the torture, rape, death, and damnation he’s faced since becoming a vampire, Johnny still has this layer of innocence and purity that he pushes back and refuses to acknowledge because, if he does acknowledge that, then there’s a chance he’s worth saving and he can’t believe that; it’s easier to pretend he’s a monster and worthless.
So, then he goes to Vatheon. He hides what he is for a long time, the only person who knows leaves only a few months after they meet and, by that time, Johnny has met Jacob. Jacob exudes kindness and sincerity, so, Johnny tells him during one of their conversations that he doesn’t think he deserves or will get salvation. Without missing a beat, Jacob tells him he disagrees and that Johnny can have salvation if he wants it.
Let me take a moment to put this into perspective. For 700 years, everything in Johnny’s life has told him that he’s evil and that he will go to hell and that God has forsaken him. Even the man he’s in love with has told him what they are is evil and an abomination. Literally, no one has ever said that to Johnny and, certainly, not with as much sincerity and caring as Jacob did.
To be fair, Johnny laughed it off and pushed what Jacob said away, but it still hit it’s mark and watered that seed of doubt Johnny himself had buried centuries ago. Many people told him he wasn’t a monster and accepted him the way he was after that, but Jacob was the first. Jacob was the first person to make Johnny feel like he might actually be worth something. Without Jacob, Johnny wouldn’t have tested the waters in actually making friends something he had never dared to do back home.
That’s where it started, where it continued, was when Jacob found out that Johnny was, essentially, killing himself through starvation because the blood packs don’t provide the nutrients a True Blood vampire needs and making Johnny sick. Jacob cornered Johnny and, after a lot of arguing, persuaded Johnny to drink from him.
The biggest issue in this was that Johnny had been drinking from corpses for a century and then from these blood packs and receiving ‘stale blood.’ Consequently, the taste of fresh blood was like giving a dehydrated man a fountain. Johnny lost control and started to pull too much from Jacob. The fact Jacob was in pain broke through to Johnny and he pulled away (and then ran away because he couldn’t deal), but he had shown the ‘monstrous’ part of him to Jacob and it got the better of him. In Johnny’s mind, this meant he was, in fact, a monster and Jacob would understand that now.
However, only about a week later, Jacob made a post about forgiveness and told Johnny he forgave him for what he did. While he couldn’t comprehend why Jacob would do this and, ultimately, never forgave himself, it still showed Johnny there was hope. If a man like Jacob could believe in him, then maybe there was still hope.
These events and Jacob’s continued, unconditional, support are what breaks all the rules for Johnny. Jacob brings out that hidden innocent side to the vampire that Johnny is too scared to let out or else it will be tainted too and then there would be no hope. Over the years, Johnny has had lovers and, at least, he had Rayfell when it came to friends, but he has never had this unconditional love and support that he gets from Jacob, which is why the man is, easily, one of the most important people in his life and always will be.
Johnny is a Frenchman from the Crusades era, at the time of the manga, this would put him, roughly, at 700 years old. In this time, he’s adapted and blended in with the changing world around him so that he could survive. He became a vampire because he made a deal with a demon so that he could save the princess he served from dying; a very big deal for a man who was extremely religious.
As time has gone on, due to society, the demon’s influence, and all the things Johnny has done including turning his princess and watching her succumb to insanity because of it, and killing people just to continue his own existence, he has convinced himself that he is a monster unfit to live, and yet, he can’t kill himself, because he is still extremely religious. He’s already damned, why screw himself over more?
However, despite the torture, rape, death, and damnation he’s faced since becoming a vampire, Johnny still has this layer of innocence and purity that he pushes back and refuses to acknowledge because, if he does acknowledge that, then there’s a chance he’s worth saving and he can’t believe that; it’s easier to pretend he’s a monster and worthless.
So, then he goes to Vatheon. He hides what he is for a long time, the only person who knows leaves only a few months after they meet and, by that time, Johnny has met Jacob. Jacob exudes kindness and sincerity, so, Johnny tells him during one of their conversations that he doesn’t think he deserves or will get salvation. Without missing a beat, Jacob tells him he disagrees and that Johnny can have salvation if he wants it.
Let me take a moment to put this into perspective. For 700 years, everything in Johnny’s life has told him that he’s evil and that he will go to hell and that God has forsaken him. Even the man he’s in love with has told him what they are is evil and an abomination. Literally, no one has ever said that to Johnny and, certainly, not with as much sincerity and caring as Jacob did.
To be fair, Johnny laughed it off and pushed what Jacob said away, but it still hit it’s mark and watered that seed of doubt Johnny himself had buried centuries ago. Many people told him he wasn’t a monster and accepted him the way he was after that, but Jacob was the first. Jacob was the first person to make Johnny feel like he might actually be worth something. Without Jacob, Johnny wouldn’t have tested the waters in actually making friends something he had never dared to do back home.
That’s where it started, where it continued, was when Jacob found out that Johnny was, essentially, killing himself through starvation because the blood packs don’t provide the nutrients a True Blood vampire needs and making Johnny sick. Jacob cornered Johnny and, after a lot of arguing, persuaded Johnny to drink from him.
The biggest issue in this was that Johnny had been drinking from corpses for a century and then from these blood packs and receiving ‘stale blood.’ Consequently, the taste of fresh blood was like giving a dehydrated man a fountain. Johnny lost control and started to pull too much from Jacob. The fact Jacob was in pain broke through to Johnny and he pulled away (and then ran away because he couldn’t deal), but he had shown the ‘monstrous’ part of him to Jacob and it got the better of him. In Johnny’s mind, this meant he was, in fact, a monster and Jacob would understand that now.
However, only about a week later, Jacob made a post about forgiveness and told Johnny he forgave him for what he did. While he couldn’t comprehend why Jacob would do this and, ultimately, never forgave himself, it still showed Johnny there was hope. If a man like Jacob could believe in him, then maybe there was still hope.
These events and Jacob’s continued, unconditional, support are what breaks all the rules for Johnny. Jacob brings out that hidden innocent side to the vampire that Johnny is too scared to let out or else it will be tainted too and then there would be no hope. Over the years, Johnny has had lovers and, at least, he had Rayfell when it came to friends, but he has never had this unconditional love and support that he gets from Jacob, which is why the man is, easily, one of the most important people in his life and always will be.